Always
by Beyond.My.Provincial.Life
Summary: Harry Potters years at Hogwarts through the hating eyes of Severus Snape. But why? Why does Snape hate Harry so much? Could it be simply that Harry is James Potter's son?


I dreaded this particular year at Hogwarts, for this was the year that Harry James Potter would begin at Hogwarts. No doubt the boy has grown more to look like his damn father, James Potter, the bane of my existence. Dumbledore told me that Harry looked like James, but with his mother's eyes. Lily. **My darling Lily-flower. My love. Oh Lily Evans, how different would life have been, if you had been with me?** I slammed my hand down onto my desk, scattering random pieces of parchment. Damn it! Even after all these years, my love for her burned a continuous hole in my chest. I growled as I checked the time. Time to go and sit through another sorting of first years but yet I know that this year will be different.

I watched them swarm in through the doors, so young and scared. They have not yet known, what it is to be broken, and they have not yet made mistakes that could have such detrimental effects. Then I saw him, a young James Potter in the making. It was uncanny how alike the two looked, but yet I could instantly see the differences. Whereas James Potter had strode into the room like he owned the place, his son shyly tried to hide among the throng of students. It hurt me to look at him. I sat quietly through the sorting, through cries of Gryffindor! Slytherin! Hufflepuff! Ravenclaw!

"Potter, Harry" Minerva called out. The change in atmosphere was incredible as it went from loud and boisterous, to quiet and curious. I watched Harry as he slowly made his way up to the front, keeping his head low to the ground. GRYFFINDOR! Bitter hate swelled up inside of me, **Of course he is in Gryffindor, like his arrogant Father. He is his father's son. ** The boy glanced up at the table and our eyes made contact, and instinctively I gave him a look that I hadn't used since his father's time. And Harry looked confused, then looked away.But then I faced another emotion as I continued to watch him. As he spoke to his new housemates, he talked so animatedly and radiated excitement. The way he leaned in and gestured with his hands as he spoke. **Just like Lily. She would be so proud her son is in Gryffindor. He is his mother's son.** And the hate became mixed with… pride.

The first time that boy walked into my classroom, I knew it would be hard to look at him. He was a mix of the one I had most hated, and the one I still loved. It was so easy to treat him horribly, the way his father had treated me.

That damn Harry Potter is a rule breaker, how unsurprising! Always out of line, but… despite my hatred of the boy… even I knew he did not break rules to cause mischief like his predecessors, namely his father and godfather, Sirius Black. Harry Potter is heroic. He is foolish, but has a big heart. Stubborn too. He has the best of both his parents and though it pains me to admit, he is very much a Gryffindor. He is thoughtful, like his mother.

It is hard to stay angry with the boy when I first see his eyes. His bright green eyes meet my black eyes, they hold as much passionate and defiant fury as his mother's did. But I knew those eyes, and they could also show excitement, disappointment, and hurt. Those eyes held wisdom far beyond their years. This alone would fuel my anger; Lily was gone. Torn away from her son. This would restart the fire, and I could redirect the anger into punishing the boy.

He's terribly aggravating! He remains a parasite in my classroom! Since he was a first year, to now- a sixth year. The number of times that I find him out of bed, the many times I have found him taking things from my stores of potion ingredients! He is insufferable. If I could do away with him I would. But he doesn't know, to what extent of pain, his very being causes me. He only knows that I hate him. He only knows that I hated his father. And he has seen the memory, he knows what his father did to me, and I believe he has felt pity for me. He knows what I called his mother. A mudblood. I closed my eyes to try and stop the tears that threatened to fall. **Lily. I never meant to say that, if I could go back I would… but I was embarrassed, the pride of a boy on the threshold of manhood was gone. I didn't know what to do. Oh Lily, I hope that you forgave me one day. **

Dumbledore has requested that I take his life, so that Draco's soul will remain intact. We both know mine is broken enough. It has been broken a very long time.

Harry has seen me commit that horrible act. He has seen me cast avada kedavra, and he has seen Dumbldore fall. Albus Dumbledore, one of the greatest wizards… no, one of the greatest Men, this world has seen. It takes a great man to see a broken one, and give him another chance. And Harry, so compassionate but with so many reasons to doubt. He will hate me more for this, and so will the rest of the wizarding world. Because now, the symbol of strength is gone and the world has fallen deeper into chaos.

I will die soon, that damned snake. But Harry will have my memories, and maybe, he will hate me a little less. Perhaps he too, will forgive a shattered man, another chance and some forgiveness. "Look… at…me" I grasped his arm as he gripped me hard and I tried to focus on the familiar green eyes concentrating on black. Harry James Potter, know that I watched over you from afar. That I loved you in my own way, secretly.

**Always**


End file.
